Thursday, June 30, 2011

Anarcho-Capitalist Commando Mythos Force: A Drama in Multiple Voices

Part One


Reginald: All I ever wanted was to be a deployable resource.

Judas Priest: The engine roars between my thighs.

Grammar: Some things, however, are simply built into how the mind works. Toying with them is madness.

Beautiful Object: Oh, look at the pretty things!

Group of Dudes:
            We don’t care
            We don’t care
            All we wanna see
            Is your underwear

Section Leader: All right, section members. The Commandant is on his way. Prepare for inspection.

Reginald (lining up). I’ve always loved being inspected.

Judas Priest: We are the hell patrol. All guns, all guns blazing.

Grammar (grumbling): Once a subordinate clause, always a subordinate clause.

Beautiful Object: Cleaned and pressed and ready to go, Sir!

Group of Dudes: Fuck. Ouch. Shit.

Section Leader: I know how long you’ve all been waiting. Today’s code word: One for all and all for one.

Reginald (gratefully). I’m a cog. I’m finally a cog.

Judas Priest: The engine roars between my thighs.

Grammar: It’s true that all the parts, when taken together, must form a complete whole.

Beautiful Object (showing off): Don’t forget to admire the centerpiece.

Group of Dudes: Hey, can you repeat what you just said?

Everyone looks at them reproachfully.

Group of Dudes: What? My cell rang. Can I help it if my cell rang?

Grammar: That’s just great. Here I am, stuck with a bunch of run-on sentences.

Group of Dudes: Dude, what makes you think we care? We’re just marking time. Waiting for life to begin. Don’t harsh my buzz, getting all full of purpose and shit.

Reginald: Team Leader, Sir. Permission to report an infraction, Sir?

Section Leader: Granted.

Reginald (walking up to Team Leader). I have the impression, Sir, that some people aren’t getting with the program.

Section Leader (coughs): Well, uh, well. Well. We’ll see about that. The Commandant, as you know, is on his way.

Revolution walks in. Everyone turns in Revolution’s direction.

Revolution: The economies least damaged by globalism are the ones who refused economic restructuring.

Group of Dudes: Who’s the clown? Kick his fucking ass.

Reginald: You’re not the Commandant.

Section Leader (to Revolution): You’re late. Get in line. You’re this close—this close—to being guilty of breaking rank.

Revolution (sarcastically, getting in line): I sure wouldn’t want to do that.

Beautiful Object: You’re cute. Want to form a domestic partnership?

Reginald: You really do try that on everyone, don’t you?

Beautiful Object: It’s not my fault if some people say they can’t afford it. It’s not my fault if some people say, “Not until we have better benefits.”

Reginald (huffy): So I want an institutional framework. Is that so wrong?

Judas Priest. Change, change, all re-arrangin’. Look around, at the sit-u-a-tion.

Group of Dudes: Tequila shot, motherfuckers!

Reginald (still huffy): Better to buy in than be left out.

Revolution: Yet globalism has left more people than ever before without a stake in any system. What are you gonna do, build more prisons?

Reginald: Better to manage the money than to be managed by it.

Grammar: Language is not a prison house. Processing words is a basic biological function and it behaves according to certain laws. All of this is elucidated in Chomsky’s notion of deep grammar. Please don’t say anything more until you have absorbed the truths of that text.

Group of Dudes: Always some asshole trying to get nuanced. I don’t even know what nuanced means.

Beautiful Object: I need attention bad.

Judas Priest: No sign of life. No flicker on his face.

Grammar: Where’s a topic sentence when you need one?

Section Leader (shouting): Enough. Everyone in line.

Reginald: I’ll follow you anywhere, Sir. Even Tampa Bay if necessary. Nashville, Asheville, you name it. I can’t tell you how pleased I am to let the winds of capital blow me about. Think of the salary.

Judas Priest: I’m headed out to the highway. I’ve got nothing to lose at all.

Group of Dudes: Party on both coasts!

Beautiful Object: All she wanted was just to be free, and that’s the way it turned out to be. Flow, river, flow, down to the sea.

Revolution: Wait a second. Isn’t any of this open for discussion? If the goal is freedom, why can’t we even discuss what it means to be free? Oh, I get it. None of you are even you. You’re only the image of you that you wish to project. Meanwhile, people are dying, countries are falling apart. And all you do is sit around and watch TV like you’re on it.

Beautiful Object: Gross. Ewww. Imagine how fat they’ll get. It’s so horrible that all I want is not to think about it.

Group of Dudes: Hey, any girls out there? We got beer. Got cable.

Judas Priest: We are saints in hell.

Reginald: People, please. Can’t we work together on this? Follow the rubric?

Revolution (groaning): Where’s my politics of hope? I’m surrounded by people who just want a piece of the action.

Section Leader: Everybody at attention! The Commandant is here!

End of Part One

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